There I was. In a trolleybus. An average looking white person talking to another tourist in english. He was telling me that last night he got super inebriated. That’s why he came to Lithuania, to drink and party and get laid with some Lithuanian girls if he had the chance.
He was also an average looking white person. I was whiter than him though, I think he is not 100% caucasian. Maybe that was the thing that the Lithuanians saw on us.
Before coming to this so called country I had watched many documentaries and read few books about how to survive in this kind of countries where people can stab you while you are buying the bread. Or even waiting for the bus. Oh, and wait for it. I even heard that as soon as you get into the airport there are especial groups (a.k.a. ilegal associations) that capture you and remove all the organs from your body. But well, I wanted to experience it on my own feet.
I remember telling my mum and friends that I was planning on visiting Lithuania they told me that I was crazy. Also they recommended me to hire at least 2 Russian bodyguards (as written in «Surviving in Lithuania. Run or you are dead«). Apparently Lithuanians are super-mega-ultra-afraid of Russians.
Gosh, I can’t imagine how Russians look like. Because, if I am afraid of Lithuanians and they are afraid of Russians…
Anyways, let’s get back to my story.
Suddenly, 50 Lithuanian tough looking guys got into the trolleybus. And they went straight to us, with guns on their hands. Of course, the other people that were using the trolleybus didn’t say anything. They were Lithuanians too = they were against us. One guy pointed a gun to me. Telling me something that sounded like «Blet, nachui kurwa ka tu?» Of course, I didn’t understand anything. But he sounded very angry.
We got out of the trolleybus in the next stop and started running to our hotel. We spent there the rest of our week. And were lucky enough to get to the airport without any problem.
Won’t get back to that country ever.
DISCLAIMER:
The story you just read is totally fake. I hope it’s cristal clear that I am using sarcasm and irony on the lines above. If you don’t like sarcasm and/or irony maybe fateuser.com isn’t your site.
I decided to write that story because I saw one comment on the internet and felt that he was attacking all the Lithuanian population and the country Lithuania for few jerks that he had to deal with. I am not making fun of this guy. I am very sorry that he had to go through this stuff.
To be clear, the thing that I’m trying to do here is to clean up a bit the image that the rest of the world may have about Lithuania. I do love Lithuania. And been living there 4 years and never had a problem (knock wood). Also, I have to agree that there are criminals and dangerous people everywhere. In every single country. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go there because you’ve heard bad experiences and bad stories that people previously had.
I remember before I got to Lithuania on 2010 people were warning me. Don’t go alone they said. Don’t party often they said. Lithuanians won’t like you they said. Well, today, 2014 I can tell you that I had great experiences in that lovely country and that I never got attacked or anything. And got many good Lithuanian friends. Like really good ones. And I leave my cave. I swear.
It is true that some of my foreigner friends got troubles with Lithuanians. The same way some Lithuanians got troubles with foreigners that live there. Well. I guess that this happens literally everywhere. As we say in spanish there are idiots everywhere.
If in the end you decide to go to Lithuania, here are 8 things you shouldn’t do to a Lithuanian.
